So I'm really into the idea of simplifying and slowing down. I often get caught up in to-do lists and juggling a lot of things like everyone else in the world does, but lately I've been trying to take a step back and ask myself why I do that to myself. I'm a neat freak for one thing, so it's virtually impossible for me to sit still if I see something out of place. But if there's one thing a 2-year-old can teach you it's to chill the heck out and just plop down and join in the fun. Women always pride ourselves on multi-tasking and being able to hold it all together, and yes, I can do all that, but I don't want to win a medal for that race. I'd rather slow down and take it all in from time to time. This is hard to do when you're a parent and there's inevitably a million things to do, and add to that being 4.5 months pregnant and juggling trying to sell our condo and getting ready to head back to work in a couple weeks when school starts up....the point is the list goes on and on, but everyone's list goes on and on. If I'm not careful, the endless lists can consume me and being a parent becomes just another check on my list instead of an honor, joy and above all, privilege.
My quest to slow down and appreciate all the goodness in life started a year ago. I was working at a job that was an absolutely horrible fit for me at an investment firm. If you know me, you know how hilarious that is. If you don't know me, let's just say I'm a plane Jane hippie who found herself surrounded in a fancy shmancy world filled with people who put money first and family last. The money was good and reliable, but I would only see my daughter about an hour a night. I swear I could feel my soul sort of shriveling up. Long story short, I got sick and had to be out of work for 3 weeks last year. I had been offered a teaching job at a college months earlier and I kept turning it down b/c it was only part time and the money was not as good. When I was sick, however, I was able to slow down and take a look at the direction my life was going and realize I had to switch gears. My husband and I talked a long time about it and decided it was time to do whatever it took to get off that fast-track train that was doing nobody in our family any good. It's been a challenging path that has forced us to reinvent our lives and goals to put happiness first. The money is following, but we're firm in the fact that it's not as important as time with family.
Working 60 hours a week and letting a nanny raise your kids works for some moms, and I truly don't judge them. I have a hard time understanding them, but I'm sure they feel the same about me. When I was working at the investment firm, I was confiding in some coworkers (who were executives) and I was telling them I was having a hard time dealing with Cece being in daycare and letting someone else raise her. They told me that it was a great thing to have someone else raise her because the hour I get with her is easy. "You just feed her and put her to bed. Someone else has to do all the grunt work and you get to do the fun work." I don't think I'll ever forget that day because it really made me realize I was so out of my element there. Little did they know, I WANTED to do the grunt work. I know these days are so fleeting, so I'm happy to dig in and look like a truck has run me over from not sleeping. I don't want to be handed a powder-fresh, clean baby at the end of the day. I want to be a part of the mess and the mistakes and the memories, so I'm grateful to be teaching part-time now, so I can see so much more of the precious childhood that seems to creep further and further out of reach.
In the spirit of slowing down and basking in day-to-day events, today I caught myself. I had a doctor's appointment because I'm 20 weeks pregnant. Cece came with me because Trey was working. We were done in about 10 minutes, so my first instinct was to hurry home and walk the dog and make dinner. Then I looked up and saw a sign that read "Healing Garden" and I asked Cece if she wanted to go to a garden. It was a gorgeous garden at the hospital with a water fountain and beautiful trees and rocks. We played for about an hour and plopped down in the grass. It was so spontaneous and great because we weren't really doing anything except for being outside and taking it all in. Dinner was on the table late and the dog didn't get his usual long walk, but the world didn't fall apart because I slowed down for an hour to watch my toddler giggle and run in the grass. It's a simple memory that it's etched on my brain and it's simple things like this I'd be missing if I were still running myself into the ground in corporate America. Sure, I'd have more money and would shower every day, but life would be leading nowhere real fast.
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