A Boy is Just Around the Corner

We just got the official news:  we're having a baby boy!  Cece has been telling us from day 1 that it's a boy, and we've been telling her it might be a girl and she always insisted it's a boy.  At our ultrasound yesterday, the tech said, "Well, your daughter's right.  It's a boy."  It was so thrilling to hear those words, and it's funny because it would have been equally as thrilling to hear, "It's a girl!"  I'm really excited to see the difference between raising girls and boys, but I'm also a little nervous.  This is going to sound really neurotic, but I've seen moms go crazy when their sons get married.  I'm convinced this is a biological response that will probably get the best of me too when our son gets married.  I know--talk about worrying about things that haven't happened.  Time and time again, mothers of sons get protective in a way they don't with their daughters and it gets ugly.  So my ongoing goal for raising my son is to teach him how to do everything for himself.  In fact, I'll raise him the same way we're raising our daughter in that we teach her to do things for herself and be strong and loving.  I'm way overthinking the difference between girls and boys.  I had a grandma growing up who is deceased now who clearly preferred my brother to us sisters simply because he was a boy.  So now I'm hell-bent on making sure my son doesn't get preferential treatment just because he's a boy.  It wasn't my brother's fault--my grandma just happened to be old-school and thought boys were literally just superior to girls, so he would always get more money than we would and bigger holiday presents.  So I guess that's sort of stuck with me and now that we're having a son, I'm reminded of it all again.
I really think Cece and her new brother will get along well.  She's got a big tomboy side (the girl's favorite piece of clothing is a black David Bowie t-shirt).  I like the idea of the two of them playing outside getting dirty together.  I need to focus on those little visions instead of hoping I won't turn into angry over-protective mom one day. 
As I'm sitting here I'm realizing what other sort of ugly baggage I have and the other part is that I've seen how horrible boys can treat girls since I've been on the receiving side of it.  I think it's a huge task to teach our son how to treat women and be a gentleman, but I guess that answer to that is to make sure Trey and I have a loving relationship to set a good example.
Man, oh man, can I worry myself to the ground or what?  As long as we all put family, love, and laughter first, we'll have a good chance of raising great kids.  Most people worry they'll have enough money.  Well, I know we don't have a lot of money, so no sense in worrying about that.  I'm more concerned that my kids will thrive and really take the world by its balls and have a lot of fun doing it.

A Silly Little Train Ride

Dang, how cute are toddlers?  It's just ridiculous how cute and sweet they can be as they talk and come up with crazy things.  Cece hung out with her best pal Nate today at the zoo and they rode a kiddie train together all by themselves.  I was over the moon with pride.  How ridiculous is that?  The girl rode a train, not climbed a mountain.  It was just so wonderful to see her and Nate get onto this train and not cry for their parents or feel nervous.  They were laughing and smiling and I kept thinking about how that's what parenting is supposed to be--loving your kids so much that they have confidence to go out there and do things on their own and feel like they have permission to do so.  I know raising kids is chock-full of these moments where I'll find myself being like, "Oh my gosh, she's the same child who was once a tiny baby and now look at her."  I guess that sort of thinking never ends and I'll be thinking that when she's 55.  As new parents we often don't think past the idea of having kids.  We know we want kids, so we have them.  We know it'll be hard work and a lot of money, but one thing we can never truly be schooled on or prepared for is just how much they change you.  Sure, you have to kiss parts of your old life goodbye like having time to yourself,  but it's worth it.  To see these little creatures blossom before your eyes is payoff enough to trade in time in front of the TV or grabbing a cappucino.  Although I have to admit both of those things sound pretty darn good right about now.
Tomorrow morning we find out if our next baby is a boy or girl!  I wanted another girl from day one so Cece could have a close friend, but now I don't care at all.  She can be close friends with a brother, and it might even be better to have that boy influence in her life.  She can teach him to treat women with respect and he can teach her how to be confident and not let boys get the best of her.  Either way, it's going to be a great adventure.

Whole Foods Ride

It's one of my goals to not be a nervous-nelly, over-protective mom. I want Cece to be able to deal with disappointment and hurt and to be tough and self-reliant and not a clingy whiner. That sounds so harsh, but I hope you know what I mean. Of course I want to snuggle up with her and give her smooches as much as possible, but a job of a good parent is to arm a child with the tools they'll need to be strong and independent as they grow up. Constantly protecting a child is a good instinct, but it seems to me it does more harm than good, but I'm guilty of being too protective at times. We were all at Whole Foods yesterday and Cece loves to ride on the carts by standing on the front and holding on while she's facing backwards. I always get nervous because I always foresee her letting go as she reaches for something and crashing to the floor. A lady in the store asked Cece if she was going for a ride and Trey said, "Yeah, she is, but it makes me nervous when she rides like that." The lady asked why we would get nervous--was it because we thought someone else would run into us? I told her I get paranoid that Cece will let go and fall, and the woman said, "So then she falls." A lightbulb went off. I told her, "You're absolutely right. So, she'd fall. The ground is 3 feet away." It's not like I'm going to purposely seek out inappropriate things for my daughter to do just to toughen her up and keep her out of a bubble, but I will definitely find a happy medium where she can test her limits and I can let go of the reigns a little bit.

Slowing Down to Take It All In

So I'm really into the idea of simplifying and slowing down. I often get caught up in to-do lists and juggling a lot of things like everyone else in the world does, but lately I've been trying to take a step back and ask myself why I do that to myself. I'm a neat freak for one thing, so it's virtually impossible for me to sit still if I see something out of place. But if there's one thing a 2-year-old can teach you it's to chill the heck out and just plop down and join in the fun. Women always pride ourselves on multi-tasking and being able to hold it all together, and yes, I can do all that, but I don't want to win a medal for that race. I'd rather slow down and take it all in from time to time. This is hard to do when you're a parent and there's inevitably a million things to do, and add to that being 4.5 months pregnant and juggling trying to sell our condo and getting ready to head back to work in a couple weeks when school starts up....the point is the list goes on and on, but everyone's list goes on and on. If I'm not careful, the endless lists can consume me and being a parent becomes just another check on my list instead of an honor, joy and above all, privilege.
My quest to slow down and appreciate all the goodness in life started a year ago. I was working at a job that was an absolutely horrible fit for me at an investment firm. If you know me, you know how hilarious that is. If you don't know me, let's just say I'm a plane Jane hippie who found herself surrounded in a fancy shmancy world filled with people who put money first and family last. The money was good and reliable, but I would only see my daughter about an hour a night. I swear I could feel my soul sort of shriveling up. Long story short, I got sick and had to be out of work for 3 weeks last year. I had been offered a teaching job at a college months earlier and I kept turning it down b/c it was only part time and the money was not as good. When I was sick, however, I was able to slow down and take a look at the direction my life was going and realize I had to switch gears. My husband and I talked a long time about it and decided it was time to do whatever it took to get off that fast-track train that was doing nobody in our family any good. It's been a challenging path that has forced us to reinvent our lives and goals to put happiness first. The money is following, but we're firm in the fact that it's not as important as time with family.
Working 60 hours a week and letting a nanny raise your kids works for some moms, and I truly don't judge them. I have a hard time understanding them, but I'm sure they feel the same about me. When I was working at the investment firm, I was confiding in some coworkers (who were executives) and I was telling them I was having a hard time dealing with Cece being in daycare and letting someone else raise her. They told me that it was a great thing to have someone else raise her because the hour I get with her is easy. "You just feed her and put her to bed. Someone else has to do all the grunt work and you get to do the fun work." I don't think I'll ever forget that day because it really made me realize I was so out of my element there. Little did they know, I WANTED to do the grunt work. I know these days are so fleeting, so I'm happy to dig in and look like a truck has run me over from not sleeping. I don't want to be handed a powder-fresh, clean baby at the end of the day. I want to be a part of the mess and the mistakes and the memories, so I'm grateful to be teaching part-time now, so I can see so much more of the precious childhood that seems to creep further and further out of reach.
In the spirit of slowing down and basking in day-to-day events, today I caught myself. I had a doctor's appointment because I'm 20 weeks pregnant. Cece came with me because Trey was working. We were done in about 10 minutes, so my first instinct was to hurry home and walk the dog and make dinner. Then I looked up and saw a sign that read "Healing Garden" and I asked Cece if she wanted to go to a garden. It was a gorgeous garden at the hospital with a water fountain and beautiful trees and rocks. We played for about an hour and plopped down in the grass. It was so spontaneous and great because we weren't really doing anything except for being outside and taking it all in. Dinner was on the table late and the dog didn't get his usual long walk, but the world didn't fall apart because I slowed down for an hour to watch my toddler giggle and run in the grass. It's a simple memory that it's etched on my brain and it's simple things like this I'd be missing if I were still running myself into the ground in corporate America. Sure, I'd have more money and would shower every day, but life would be leading nowhere real fast.

Welcome to the Novice Mommy Blog!

So I was taking a walk today with my 2-year-old daughter and dog and I was realizing just how much I think about the actual act of parenting, but how I don't want to be "that" mom who only talks about being a mom. I love being a mom, but it definitely is just a part of who I am. I'm not one of those moms who pretends to have it all figured out nor am I one of those moms who thinks every second of motherhood is glamorous. (Picture me using a spatula to get poop off a cloth diaper yesterday and you'll see what I mean.) I'm a writer, but I don't want all I write about to be about my daughter or domestic life. Maybe that's selfish of me, but hey, so be it. Having a fulfilling adult life can only make me be a better mom, right? So I've decided tonight to start a separate blog just for my thoughts on parenting. I won't get preachy, but I'll definitely set forth some strong opinions from time to time. For the most part, I hope this blog will be filled with antecdotes and helpful hints or just stuff I learn along the way.